Posted by: heart nibbler | February 17, 2010

America’s Next Top Model…the iPhone video game

Did you know there’s another licensed product that you can’t buy in Wal-Mart or Target from the ANTM marketing monster?  And, of all things, it’s a video game.  Sadly, it’s not the ANTM game for the Nintendo DS, but an officially licensed iPhone game I wouldn’t have known about if I didn’t open my CWTV app.  (The app also advertises yet another one of those BlackBook app ripoffs and the 90210 soundtrack, so if you’re into Owl City and the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, be my guest.)

The app claims that, by playing it, you will be a model.

If that’s true playing the aforementioned 90210 soundtrack will turn you into Naomi Clark.  Or playing the Gossip Girl board game will turn you into Chuck Bass.

Before playing the game you have to create a model.

The actual game, separated into “cycles,” consists of your model doing exciting things…like drinking green tea, eating apples, filing nails and watching television

to avoid being eliminated.

(Also, I assume this creepy-looking being with red hair is Tyra.)

You have different moods, but they don’t matter because you are doing exciting things like drinking green tea, eating apples, filing nails and watching television.

Your model also gets to discuss her home life and fashion with the other contestants in the model house.

It’s almost like an actual ANTM house but without the television and the funny.  Your model gets points for doing these mundane things.

And you need 20 points to win a cycle, apparently.  She loses points, however, if she starts a fight with another model, known in the game as a “tease.”

And with lame insults like “Mr. President invited you to a banquet today,” you’ll be wishing you had a Jesus freak like Robin in this game instead.

Speaking of, the game actually has contestants from previous seasons.  And by “contestants” I mean winners like Adrianne Curry (and you thought she was banned from all ANTM media for life) and Yoanna House.  You “meet” the winners as you go through the cycles of the game.  There are only four cycles, by the way, so you don’t get to “meet” either one of the Nicoles, Dani Evans, Saleisha, etc.

There are three minigames included in the game as well.  One of them is “Catwalk,” a runway challenge where you move your model down an endless runway, trying to keep her in the spotlight while taking her picture.

Another minigame is “Fashionista,” where you have to recreate a look the CPU gives you to earn more points for your model.

The final minigame is called “Photo Session.”

“Photo Session” is like Guitar Hero, DJ Hero, Rock Band, etc. al.—you have to press on balls to get more stars for your model—except the balls don’t correspond with the notes of any of the music played in the game at all.  In-game the music is generic and bland, but the minigame includes two actual songs you’ve probably never heard of before—“Miss Blue” by I Am the Icarus and “The World Ends Tonight” by Until June. It is also really easy to play unless you can’t beat a child’s word search game, and if you can’t…I feel very bad for you.

The video game also offers clips from past ANTM seasons.

For a second I thought this scene was from Cycle 14 until the caption for Saleisha appeared.  In other words, if you’ve seen all the ANTM seasons, you really don’t need to get this game for the “exclusive” clips, especially since Oxygen will eventually show the season you want to see, oh…about six months from now.

The full version of this repetitive, simple game is $3.99 in the iTunes App Store.  Save it and use the money to buy a fashion magazine instead, even if it is Seventeen with some Disney girl no one will remember 10 years from now on the cover.

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