Posted by: heart nibbler | January 2, 2010

Gossip Girl Theater: Chuck Bass Has a Focus

Since it’s early January and Tyra hasn’t done anything but stop production on The Tyra Show (bye, bitch)

and, other than the train wreck that is Jersey Shore, there aren’t any reality shows to mock, I’ve done nothing but catch up on a few things, television-wise, namely catch up on Gossip Girl (the whole series. It’s like that chart about catching up with Gossip Girl instead of watching Christmas movies. I am ashamed). I’ve been also reading TV Tropes (remember?) to learn about tropes seen on television shows, movies and novels, and for some reason I am equating the plot of “The Lost Boy” to the trope “Getting Crap Past the Radar” (or, more specifically, “Something Else Also Rises”).

And yes, I know, Chuck (and Blair, at times) is a master of the double entendre (i.e. “If you think that was long, you have no idea what you’re in for”), but I thought I was watching a reverse-message Zardoz set in the present day for a while with this episode.  Or maybe I have penis and the A Different World episode “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” on the brain.

Underneath the cut will be a screenshot of an intentional close-up of a man’s crotch, and it may be somewhat graphic.  Not like there’s anything wrong with graphic on hearts for dinner.

1. The Chuck/Blair storyline begins when Blair calls Chuck up for a booty call (above the cut).

She pulls a sock off the door handle.  You will hear about this again.

The girl lying on the bed is Dawn Summers Georgina Sparks. You will see her again.

2. The beginning of Act II sees Blair trying to seduce Chuck…but it doesn’t work because Chuck is trying to impress some business owner later. In his words, he has to keep his…focus.

How’d his focus get down there?

2.5. “That Bitch” moment #1.

I saw these in the episode and I had to add them.  Sorry.

3. So basically in this episode’s wacky Chuck/Blair plot the two are bidding for the same photo for different reasons (Chuck and the business owner, Blair a faux collegiate club).

Standard issue Blair double entendre and denial of sex.  Nothing special there.

4. Later Chuck shows up at Blair’s NYU dorm room for what appears to be an afternoon romp and a cease-fire over the photograph.

*yawn*

5. Here’s where the fun begins. Georgina meets up with Dan and Vanessa at a café:

You know that rumor where a man’s penis size is about the same size as his feet? Yeah, my mind went there after this line.

However, there wasn’t a sock on Blair’s door (item 6).  But my mind went there.

5.5. “That Bitch” moment #2.

Slightly OT, but when I saw “Remains of the J” I totally thought Chuck and Vanessa had more chemistry than Chuck and Blair.  I wonder why.

6. Blair and Chuck don’t do it because of that photo.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I think Blair took Chuck’s manhood figuratively.  Or maybe she decided to use a dildo to get off.

6.5. “That Bitch” moment #3.

7. At the auction, Chuck and Blair sit together to bid on the photo.

The rest of the scene is Chuck and Blair doing this repeatedly…

and “That Bitch” moment #4…

until Serena ends up with the top bid (to stop the two from bickering over the photo).  Also, “That Bitch” moment #5.

If that doesn’t qualify for “Getting Crap Past the Radar” I don’t know what does.

8. Long story short, Chuck ends up with the photo, decides to leave his father’s company, Bass Industries, and invest in a hotel.  For starters, I assume, because Bass Industries in Schwartz-Gossip Girl-land owns a lot of real estate.

One moral of this episode: Chuck has a big focus.  I’m amazed Kristen Bell didn’t end the show with that line before signing off.  Oh, well, there’s the next big focus episode…what, in season four?


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