Posted by: heart nibbler | October 31, 2009

ANTM Cycle 13 Episode 9: Not So Good Eats

First things first:  This whole “biracial Hawaiian” (yes, I know the term Tyra used, but I don’t want to use it on my blog) shoot was Tyra being Tyra.  First, there was the sepia and black and white tones in the pictures.

America's Next Top Model

She can’t ever take a good color picture.  Ever.  No, the picture of Sundai does not count because it is not taken in good color.

Then there is Tyra’s concept of race, ethnicity and nationality in general, since she loves trolling people on her talk show about the issue.  Take, for example, Erin, who was supposed to portray a biracial Hawaiian (well, Hawaiian in Tyra-land) with parents originally from Tibet and Egypt.  Or, in Tyra-speak, Tibetan (“like the Dalai Lama”) and…

Egyptian.  Like Katarzyna-Egyptian.

This is what Tyra thinks of when she thinks of Egyptians:

Complete with “sweet and sour” “eyeballs” and “white” pumpkin cakes!

And don’t get Tyra started on her other multi-ethnic “Hawaiians” (see first photo).

Oh, and Jay:

Like you’ve been to Tibet.  I bet you didn’t even know parts of Tibet are technically a part of China. Ugh, I tire of Tyra’s and your ignorance.  See the figurative door?

Blair Waldorf quote taken out of context is appropriate.

And now, everything else in this episode that was not a hot-button issue.

Usually when a house is condemned wood blocks the windows and doors and there is a notice on the front door of the house.  It does not look like a Disney Princess Condemned House Party.

Have you considered the Munchkins might’ve run out of time to clean the skillet before judging?  Oh, that’s right, you’re Tyra Banks and everything you say is right.  My bad.

Touché.

pool party fuckery

Tyra interrupted her Disney Princess Condemned House Party with an Overseas Location Reveal on Cocaine™ in the backyard.  Only this time the word “overseas” has been replaced with the word “domestic.”

screaming

I said you are just flying a few time zones away to Hawaii!

moar freaking

And I thought the Britain’s Next Top Model girls were crazy when they flew to Buenos Aires.

bad dancing

Also, Tyra: Pantsuits are a no.  Not for this show, not for your talk show, not for life.  Stop wearing them.

Bitch, this is the first Top Model house you’ve stepped in since Cycle 7.  Shut up.

***

and now, a Laura segment

Laura Said Something Cute #5


surfing

Speaking of, the surfing was painful.  Moving on.

Laura Said Something Cute #6

Someone didn’t tell Laura one application is never enough for sunscreen.  (And applying 40 SPF sunscreen twice in one application does not make it 80 SPF.)  Either that or someone switched her sunscreen with tasty, tasty butter, which is very cruel.

You know, Laura, roast pig is a Hawaiian specialty…but it’s roasted over a fire, not in a skillet, so you may want to rethink the way you prepare yourself for serving.

And now, the most offensive part of this episode:  Nigel’s chest hair, which has been censored by Blair’s face.

Bitchy girls be careful: You may find yourself choking on chest hairs instead of cake.  (I’m sorry, Leighton.  Again.)


Responses

  1. [...] Not So Good Eats (“Let’s Go Surfing”) [...]


Categories

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: