As we all know, Tyra Banks is a noted expert in homosexual relationships, as seen in Cycle 11 of America’s Next Top Model.
This? A full-on lesbian relationship.*
Marjorie and Analeigh? This was not a friendship, let alone a homosocial friendship. This was not a relationship that no one would’ve batted an eye at if both women were, like, five. No, this was a straight up lesbian relationship.
Also: Sam is a boy.
Tyra Banks continued her hard-hitting reports on human sexuality on her talk show on Thursday and Friday. While I ignored her report into the deep, dark waters of “gay for pay” porn stars, I was lured into her informative special on bisexuality. What I learned was:
- Andy Dick, the bisexual boyfriends and their straight twin brothers and the married bisexual women in a relationship are not bisexual. Monogamous bisexual couples? They don’t exist! The Ikki Twins are real bisexuals! (Never mind that their real names aren’t even Vikki and Rikki!) Bisexuals should be very, very confused individuals! We shouldn’t decide if we want Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt-we should want them both!
- Dr. Drew Pinsky is right: there are few true bisexuals in the world, since most of them are bisexual until graduation or transitioning into homosexuality, like Elton John once did!
- There were never any bisexual contestants on America’s Next Top Model! Michelle Deighton, “Leslie” Mancia and Elina Ivanova**-they were all lying about their sexuality!
- Watch A Double Shot at Love with the ikki twins on MTV and Sober House on Vh1!***
Tyra Banks even has a poll up on her blogNingsite for all you bicurious people out there! It’s the only thing you’ll ever need to determine if you truly are gay!
*Although I did agree that Clark did deserve to be bashed for her transphobia on that one episode of Tyra where she confronted Isis.
**In all seriousness, although someone in the Cycle 11 casting episode said that Elina was bisexual, she doesn’t put a label on her sexuality, insisting that she is attracted to all types of people. And you know what? She has every right to feel this way and shouldn’t be pressured to put a label on her sexuality, ahem, AfterEllen users.
***Also watch Rock of Love Bus at 11 AM EST on Vh1 instead of casting episodes for ANTM Obsessed on Sundays! Tyra will thank you for it!