Deadmau5 was the DJ of an out-of-season fashion show, described as a “pop-up” show. And pop-up it was, because this show completely missed the opportunity to have Jessica Szohr and Michelle Trachtenberg standing in the front row because this fashion show was awash in a sea of nobodies.
The mau5 played his hits “Not Exactly,” “Hi Friend” and “FML” as models walked down a creepy interactive runway with their looks being displayed as they walked down the runway. I was told there would be some familiar faces from some gossip blog, but since the blog always talks about B this and C that and S this and N that and V this and D and J that I didn’t know who the hell I was looking for.
Overall Deadmau5’s concert was amazing. I would rather see him perform in Mansion, though, because I could not get my groove on with all these stuffy prostitute-looking types.
April Fool’s and all that stuff. This is actually the recap for:
Spoiler alert: Not really. And pretty much.
I tried looking at this episode the way it was aired, but I was confused with the guest star characters dropping like flies except for Jack and the way the script could’ve continued tormenting the characters but just stopped short of actually doing anything interesting, so I made a pie chart of what I think happened in this episode.
And now, an analysis of the chart.
Chuck’s hotel and mommy problems.
You know what? I can spend a few angry CAPS LOCKED paragraphs over Chuck’s idiocy over the past few episodes. How a guy who once tricked a group similar to Skull and Bones at Yale fell for one of his uncle’s dirty tricks is insane. Then again, how the character shifted from a lazy yet clever pill-popping, hash-smoking date rapist to a srs business businessman would be another CAPS LOCKED paragraph. So I will ignore anything dealing with Chuck Bass, his mother (who is actually his mother…I thought he stole Paxil from his mother. Le sigh) and his uncle except for three items:
1) Chuck’s mother leaves to give herself and her son a new life…which sounds like Chuck leaving Blair to give the two of them a fresh start way back in “O Brother, Where Bart Thou.” You stay classy with your recycled plots, Idiot Plot.
2) Dear Gossip Girl writers,
Ed Westwick crying in a show does not a hit make. See: 100 Feet. Which is a movie, but still.
P.S. And I couldn’t take his crying in 100 Feet (which was more convincing than his crying in this episode), so there. But I did like the way he—
Um, yeah, you’re gonna have to rent or Netflix that or wait until it comes back on SyFy again. But I promise you, it was impressive.
Whatever the fuck Jenny’s subplot was this week.
Okay, okay, I know, we’re trying to save Jenny from Kevin Zegers™ and selling drugs (which makes total sense because Chuck does all sorts of hard drugs and Nate smokes weed, or so I thought), so I somewhat get bringing back Eleanor Waldorf.
Who has set up shop in her apartment because she sold her NYC studio, I assume…but I thought she was staying in Paris with Wallace Shawn forever, so I’m confused now. Thanks, Idiot Plot.
Agnes could’ve made Jenny’s life more of a living hell during the fashion show. She could’ve ragged on Jenny “supplying” drugs to all the models. She could’ve stuck around and gotten, at the very least, a tongue-thrashing from one of the main characters. Instead she drugged Jenny with champagne and left her in some bar. Okay, show, whatever you consider exciting.
DEADMAU5. See concert review, above.
Jessica Szohr looking hot in period clothing.
Dan and his too-hot-for-him girlfriend are now a couple. This was the highlight of their date in Dan’s loft.
This, alongside Deadmau5, was also the highlight of the episode. Jessica Szohr can make anything look good.
Except for Uggs. No one can make Uggs look good.
No, I am not saying this because it is Jessica Szohr’s birthday today.
Nate saved Jenny but otherwise hung out for no reason.
When he wasn’t trying to scheme!fail with Serena over Chuck’s hotel or saving Jenny from rape, he hung out for no reason.
Somewhat off-topic, but goodness, this show loves near-rape, doesn’t it?
If Chuck could watch this show alongside the rest of us (and not as Ed), he would be in tears over all the near-rape and drugs he’s missed this season.
Blair did something.
She met up with Chuck at his former hotel then at some bar and she was all “Stay out of it, Nick Lachey” to Serena and Nate and then she had Dorota bribe Brandeis to get hookers to appear at her mother’s fashion show and also there was something with this stranger bitch who lives in Mormon country who wanted to stock Eleanor’s juniors line but he refused and then Eleanor refused after Blair double-crossed Stranger Bitch and then she met some stranger bitches from Colombia University and had sex with Chuck, who was probably dreaming of rape. The end.
Serena did something, too.
Dan was in this episode.
Oh, yeah, Shawn Michaels retired from the WWE. He will be missed and I sincerely hope he doesn’t rejoin the WWE or TNA to pay off some debts, ahem, Ric Flair (WOOOOOOOOO) and Hulk Hogan.
Rufus was there as well.
Are y’all watching Unsung on TVOne? Because that show is amazing. I was on the edge of my seat with the Rose Royce Unsung, and Sylvester’s was fucking fab-u-lous.
Chuck’s line is the line I use to describe the third season of Gossip Girl: full of “excellent” ideas to appease the critics and the fans but they keep getting shot down. Well, at least by the critics, because there are some fans who think this episode was amazing.
So, um, yeah, I don’t think I’ll be covering Gossip Girl for a while because the writers have run out of ideas and I’m running out of ideas as well. But before I go…
I called this whole promo a week ago when the Matthew Williamson display went up in New York.
And the photo sources were all over the place this week, so I’ll just credit this site and call it a day.