Laura Said Something Cute #2
I guess someone broke Tyra’s Bankable Vault this week. Whichever model did that, please step up now so we can be BFFs forever.
Benny Ninja (who didn’t do anything Benny Ninja-ish since his first appearance on this show) co-taught the dancing teach this week with Lil’ Mama, who is about as funny as Hamlet. For those of you not in the know, Lil’ Mama is best known not for her rapping career, her ridiculous outfits or America’s Best Dance Crew (ABDC) but for interrupting Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’s “Empire State of Mind” at the KanyeVMAs.
This was a re-interpretation of her opening speech: “Dance is all about expressing yourself using your body. As a top model, you can’t always rely on your face.” Very much like this segment is a re-interpretation of Britain’s Next Top Model’s Miss Sixty dance sequence (right down to the pointlessness, minus the Miss Sixty). You stay original, Lil’ Mama.
I think this is a reality show and if you are treating this seriously, you need to get off the CW for life.
See? Even the contestants aren’t taking this show seriously. Why are you?
Another note for Lil’ Mama: stop creaming your panties over the JabbawockeeZ. (They were on America’s Got Talent twice before Nick Cannon ruined it, won the first season of ABDC, in a Gatorade commercial, on Dancing with the Stars this week…unlike Lil’ Mama, who was at home.)
Sure, ANTM contestants will never be the JabbawockeeZ. But that doesn’t mean they have to be judged like ABDC contestants.
In summary: Lil’ Mama, stop subconsciously wanting a penis so you can join the Jabbawockeez on tour, not judge ABDC again and so people won’t look at you funny when you crash another Jay-Z set.
Needs more Tanisha.
(I actually wanted the sous chefs from Hell’s Kitchen banging pots and pans in the early morning, but those scenes are hard to obtain unless you sit through several hours of footage of Hell’s Kitchen on Hulu.)
After following Jay’s TSA regulations (“No aerosols, no liquids [um…aerosol sprays usually contain liquids], no sharp objects”) the girls fly to Las Vegas without a stop in Dubai to get a massage or with “Walking on a Dream” by Empire of the Sun playing in the background.
Supposedly this is Mystère, the oldest Cirque de Soleil show in Vegas. I don’t think Mystere is about Jay pretending to be a pimp with a humongous snail.
And even Jay can’t pull off the “pimp” part of “pimp” right.
Laura Says Something Cute #3
And what creature would that be?
Oh, I see. If you can do that in front of [pick one: Jay Manuel/J. Alexander/Nigel Barker/Tyra Banks] I’ll also be your BFF forever.
Lady Palaptine’s back! The last time we saw her she vaporized Lauren Brie with her lightning bolts. This time, she wants to…vaporize Studio Audience Ashley™ and be a country singer.
Either that or she’s Darth Pepper, leader of the Intergalactic Lonely Hearts Club Band/murderer. Too bad she brought the ANTM’s universe’s equivalent of Yoda with her.
Count Barker is not amused.
This recap is dedicated to Nikeysha.
For obvious reasons.