Inside: the photo finish to a recap of Cycle 4 of Britain’s Next Top Model. Step in, will you?
I know, there’s a lot of Lisa Snowdon in here. But we can get through this together.
(Note: this post has spoilers. But you’re on the Internet. Unless you’re on YouTube watching the episodes, ignoring the comments for the videos, you’re likely to be spoiled anywhere you see “Cycle 4” and “Britain’s Next Top Model” in the same sentence.)
Episode 7 (“Intelligence [what?] and Originality”)—Lisa Snowdon likes Alex’s boobs
Lisa Snowdon usually suggests models should be “fierce” and…something. This may be Lisa’s best criticism ever (right beside Mr. Pervert from Cycle 5, Episode 2!).
“George Clooney never had boobs like that.”
Episode 8 (“Imagination and Creativity”)—Lisa and Alex…again
But first, I would like to quote the announcer that came on immediately after this episode ended: “Okay, this is direct: Gerry [Deveaux’s] comments not going too well in the forums [of Living’s website].” I can see now why his last NTM appearance was on Australia’s Next Top Model talking smack about the girls from this cycle, I presume.
Back to Alex. She won a challenge that saw the models remake red dresses. As part of her challenge win, which included going to a fashion party with everyone’s favorite wet blanket nudist, Stefanie, and getting a swag bag, her dress was mass-produced for the United Kingdom. So where does Lisa and Alex’s red dress fit in?
Like a vanity photo of Tyra Banks that appears before judging for the home audience.
Episode 9 (“Stamina and Endurance”)—Lisa gives Alex a dress, tries to be eloquent, fails
Lisa appeared in the model house. She gave the final five dresses. By giving Alex a heavily studded dress, Lisa insinuated Alex was trying to be a “punk rocker,” despite looking like this before her makeover.
“I’ve never really seen you in anything, like, sort of…girly and-and…well, that’s really girly, I mean…” Lisa said of the second dress she gives Alex.
Then, very much like Tyra did before a challenge in Cycle 11, Lisa announced the Lisa Mail herself to the final five.
Alex realized the most important thing about Lisa Snowdon: Lisa Snowdon makes no sense.
Episode 10 (“Beauty and Covergirl [shouldn't it be Cover Girl?] “)—Lisa Snowdon tries to be Tyra Banks, is amusing, but still fails
(Once again, this was directed to Alex. No comment.)
Lisa: “I felt your passion.
“I totally did.”
(Once again directed to Alex. Once again, no comment.)
Lisa: “It made you think outside the box.”
Nope, still not Tyra Banks. Lisa’s a bit more feminine.
Episode 11 (Semi-finals)—Rachael’s speech during elimination
In Cape Town, South Africa, the final four were photographed by Huggy, who had worked with the girls earlier on her “fashion sins” photo shoot (do not steal from the designers, pray to Huggy’s picture of a younger Lisa Snowdon the fashion gods, do not kill for fashion, etc.). This shoot involved working with Zulu tribe members in a bar. Super-annoying Christian girl Rachael (I can just imagine her turning on GOD TV near her home), stirred by her earlier photo shoot with Huggy that involved an actual doctor, talked about how working with Huggy was inspiring to her.
Huggy and Lisa were not impressed. Considering Lisa could probably be impressed with a fly crawling across the judging table, this is incredible.
Huggy was also not impressed with Rachael’s subpar photo which got Rachael kicked off the show before the finale.
Rachael cried, realizing flattery will only get you third runner-up in a Next Top Model show.
Finale Part I: The Campaign for Fake Bake International
I mean, the whole idea of pasty (save for wet blanket nudist Stefanie) British models posing for a tanning company is pretty WTF in itself, but this shot is the most WTF of the whole campaign.
Once again, no. comment.
Finale Part II:
Um, whatever Alex said here.
Finale (both parts): Drag Queen Appreciation Days
I’ve never seen so much finger-snapping in my life.
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That’s it for the two-post, whirlwind BNTM Cycle 4 recap. Oh, and if you didn’t catch it earlier…
a feature-length CSI: Miami is up next.
