Thoughts about Britain’s Next Top Model, Volume 1

This year, due to the fact users at ONTD and topmodel LJ have been posting various items about this international franchise, I began to watch Britain’s Next Top Model (specifically Cycle 5), which I have concluded is

I mean, look at some of the contestants.  They look like carbon copies of ANTM contestants.

I know, I know.  Scottish London Levi’s real name is Ashley.  And she’s fake as hell.  You don’t need to tell me.

And what about the judges?  For starters, I can’t say anything nice or interesting about Lisa Snowdon.

The only thing I can say regarding her Lisa Mails is Jodhi Meares did something similar in Australia and look what it cost her.

Louis (pronounced Louie) Mariette, the newest judge on the BNTM panel, is what would happen if Tyra let a non-silver haired Jay Manuel that out-gays Jay Manuel sit on the ANTM panel.  I mean, look at his wardrobe.

After living and traveling around the world, Louis is now in “[his] favorite land: London.”  Someone forgot to tell him that London is a city.  Or a person. Or a douchebag on Daisy of Love.

I’m more excited about Huggy Ragnarsson.

“Top photographer” credit aside, her work

looks leaps and bounds better than Nigel Barker’s (see Allison photo below).

These contestants get excited over people that fail to impress me in America.  Like this guy who works for Ed Hardy.

Or J. Alexander.

(You know BNTM is ripping off ANTM when J’s occupation is “Runway Diva Extraordinaire” instead of “runway coach” or something more down to earth.)

Really?  It’s not like you got that awesome AustNTM Cycle 5 house.  That’s an OMG moment. J is…I don’t think I’ve understood anything he’s said since…damn, it’s been a long time.

“…all that stuff, that is not sexy.  It’s called nasty.”

And yes, that skirt…short…thing looks like toilet paper.

I can’t even think of anything nice to say about the challenges (the obstacle course and Ed Hardy runway show in Episode 1 and the fashion quiz and Wedding TV challenge in Episode 2).  This one comment blows these challenges away, which is a shame.

Even this somewhat pervy photographer is more interesting than the challenges I’ve seen so far.

Speaking of, here’s another difference between BNTM and ANTM in more recent seasons (aka “after Cycle 7 or so”).

Okay, okay, to be fair, this did happen this American cycle, although not part of a shoot.

But it’s not like dipping into a pool of mangoes with a thong on and a pervy photographer taking shots of you from above, so point goes to BNTM.

In fact, I’m so drawn to this train wreck of a series.  There’ll be more to post soon (hello, godawful lesbian shoot!), but I won’t be timely until ANTM goes off next week, so you’re best to check out the topmodel LJ or Top Model Gossip for updates and recaps.