ANTM Cycle 12 Episode 5: The Annual Faux Queen Teach!

(Once again, my computer broke the week I wanted to post this.  Do not look at me like that.)

Last time in the House of Black and White:

Rest in peace, Truth or Dare.

(I’m amazed it’s gotten over 300 views so far, since I wanted to post it here three weeks ago. PS: The songs I used are “You Tried to Warn Me” from the Sweden, Heaven and Hell soundtrack [which is more noted for this song] and the Million $ Mano remix of Bel Biv Devoe’s “Poison.” I want to thank the Ocean Drive branch of American Apparel for turning me on to the latter song.)

This time Benny Ninja brought back his finger-wagging drag house to take over a nightclub (see this week’s Take London below for more info) so they could trash the Cycle 12 contestants the way they did, well, the Cycle 10 contestants. Must be Faux Queens Week!

Music-based posing (which has already been done) aside, Benny and Sky realized one thing I knew from the beginning about Sandra:

While London was making the sign of the horns look fashionable, Sandra somehow channeled Jeff Hardy and Edge while looking like a female Shelton Benjamin. And she still wouldn’t be able to get more pops than John Cena (sigh).

Note to the Cycle 14 (not a typo) cast: You cannot appease the House of Ninja and their associates.  Even if you look like faux queens.  This is what the House of Ninja and their associates see in you-replace “walks” with “poses” and you’ve got the idea.

Do not bother trying to appease the House of Ninja.  They will finger-wag you to death.

Between 1892 and 1954, 12 million immigrants passed through Ellis Island.  Most immigrants made it through without trouble, but some were held at Ellis Island due to sickness.  Others were denied American citizenship.  All female immigrants had to be fierce with their luggage, obviously gay husband and rainbow coalition of underacting kids they borrowed from Angelina Jolie and/or Madonna (note: not London as Madonna ) for the official cameraman of Ellis Island…

Some immigrant photos were open to the public.

Other immigrant pictures looked like they came from the last episode.

And now, the House Mother

There’s something that happens this season, that’s never happened on any other cycle of ANTM. Guaranteed. Never. - Kortnie

(Other than Natalie retaining her hairstyle, but yeah.)

Celia tried to save Kortnie.  To discuss it further would gratify a certain former supermodel (the House Mother)’s ego, so I refuse.

At least it produced some awesome .gifs that I saw on ONTD.

(The second one is the fourfour version of the .gif, but I saw it first at ONTD, so…)

The following week, in House Mother’s ongoing “social experiment” between girls who want to be models, the Cycle 12 cast finally hates each other!

Wait, there’s an ANTM code? I thought the rule was Top Model is not a sorority but it wasn’t catchy enough and was dropped after Cycle 2 or something.  Cue Stephanie Tanner for Aminat.

2. 

Toccara tried to be a house mother to the House of Black and White.  She was dismissed after five televised minutes because no one upstages House Mother.

And now, Take London.

Note for London: It’s not “The Mansion,” it’s Mansion, specifically Mansion New York.  (Or at least it was: Now it’s M2 Ultra Lounge. That’s club life for you.) The original Mansion is in Miami.  The NY Mansion (when it was the NY Mansion) looks like the child of  Mansion and sister club Set on steroids. (If I didn’t correct London here I would have to deny I ever went clubbing in Miami, let alone at Opium Group properties.)

(Pixelation = House Mother’s true name.  And face.  And ego.)

If only that last sequence was set to “The Bird.”

In closing, futureretroactively Celia says Allison cannot do anything but her version of Blue Steel™.  The counterpoint can be found in this episode’s Jump Ropes of Death.

The fourth picture is a picture of side-eye, and here’s a gallery of it for reference.

You win this time, Allison.  Thistime.

(Photos from phoenixothon. Shooping by me, but I didn’t take the screen caps this time around.)