Modelville: 4

Modelville The Lauren Utter Show is a reality show within The Tyra Banks Show that stars Lauren Utter, a woman who chased another woman with another woman’s weave as well as that woman who got in a fight with Tracy Turnblad and, well, Renee (who seems relatively normal compared to the other four).

Last time:

Yeah, I forgot too.  I was too busy drinking Stoli, wine and Dos Equis Lager (the green bottle).  So, um, let’s talk about this final episode!

File Under: 4

Because this cover would’ve been way too obvious and I would have had to give each girl a personal symbol.

Speaking of obvious, who’s missing from this picture below?

You guessed it, it’s Lauren.  Thank you, Tyra Show, for building up dramaz in your last episode about someone leaving and making it blatantly obvious that the tallest person on the show is gone!

Well, I guess the reveal on her departure may be worth the wait, though.

Or not.  I mean, McKey’s win in Cycle 11 was Souped because it was so short.

File Under: “Make It Happen”

So the girls see AJ, he of Extra and formerly of Interviewing Mariah Carey, also known as the first (and more tolerable) incarnation of 106 and Park, and do a mock interview with him.  Fatima wins and as her prize gets $1500 jeans.  Tyra does a bad impression of Sarah Palin after announcing this, saying that Fats has a way of spinning bullshit like politicians.  Therefore, Fats = Sarah Palin.  Therefore,

Also, for your future reference: Lisa Price’s father’s name is Robert.

Thank you.

File Under: Desperate ANTM Alumna Connections

You may know through some VH1 special that Shandi quit modeling, in part because of how she was portrayed on the show (i.e. the “YOU HAD SEX?” moment) and took up open mic nights.  The producers She invited the girls to an open mic night after the girls went to Morimoto (some of these Morimoto photos, such as , were leaked weeks earlier on the Modelville blog).

I knew that Fats and Dom write poetry and Fats had done some poetry slams prior to this “miniseries,” but I never knew that Renee did poetry.  Then again…the only person I can remember from Cycle 8 was Natasha, and that was because she knew little English or American political correctness.

(fourfour)

Meanwhile Lauren performs some performance art: spitting paint on a canvas.  This was the only shot I could get of Lauren.

File Under: 4.1

Lauren leaves because she doesn’t want to be a spokesmodel. Although Tyra really really wants the reason for Lauren’s leaving to be about her boyfriend.  So much that he invited him on the show and compliments him on his punk style…after trashing punks in the last episode.

Ladies, meet John John (Lauren’s boyfriend).

(from ONTD, blog of things that are niftier than most items on Boing Boing)

Sorry girls, he’s married taken:

File Under: 4 Minutes

The last 30 minutes were about the remaining contestants’ commercials and final plea for the Carol’s Daughter contract.  Some pictures of the commercial:

I’m sorry, Renee, but damn if you’re hitting close to Madonna-at-age-50 territory here.

I’m sorry, Dominique, but I thought your commercial was unintentionally funny.

File Under: A Winnar Is You

If you actually care about this, here’s the elimination order:

Lauren–long gone

Bianca

Fatima (ikr, wtf, THIS WOMAN IS THE FACE OF ZOB AND WE ALL KNOW THIS)

I heard on topmodel that this was rigged, so I wasn’t suprised, given the editing, that the final two were Renee and Dom.

And your winner is…

Dominique (ikr, wtf, I thought Renee was so going to win, but whatever, I love her)!  Renee will be put in a Carol’s Daughter’s ad because the competition was so “neck-and-neck.”

Because I’m a nice person who isn’t, well, like Tyra Banks, I spared you Renee in her moment of defeat.  Hell, I don’t even like when Rich does the cry counts for the cycles (but I read the recaps anyway), so there.

File Under: The Moral of the Lauren Utter Show

THERE ARE NO PITY PARTIES ON TOP MODEL

BUY CAROL’S DAUGHTER PRODUCTS* AND CELEBRATE, BITCHES

(because there is a discount if you use the promo code “dominique” on carolsdaughter.com!)*

*hearts for dinner does not endorse Carol’s Daugher products because, well, I usually pass by Sephora at the mall when I’m gawking at the mall prices for 7 For All Mankind jeans in the 7 For All Mankind boutique and then I pass by Sephora again to get back on the bus