Posted by: heart nibbler | October 9, 2008

ANTM Cycle 11 Episode 7: This episode was more boring than Episode 3.

So I have to apologize to Tyra.

Rest in piece, my dolphin pet.

The photo sources this week are from YouTube (tausli), fourfour, Jezebel, the CW (via All ANTM for the pictures older than this cycle) and someecards.

File Under: It’s twue!  It’s twue!

I’ll try to eke out a review of this episode.  The operative word is “try.”

File Under: Things I Hate

Bad Italian accents.

Elina’s response to whatever the hell said?

I agree.  It was like Rachael Ray claiming she’s Sicilian for the 4,432,057th time.

File Under: The Odd Pose Crisis Awards

“It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. But I am mild by nature, and do not wish to see the destruction of democracy. The power you give me I will lay down when this crisis has abated. And as my first act with this new authority, I will create a Grand Army of the Republic to counter the increasing threats of the Separatists.”

Thus began Tyra’s cameo on Cycle 11 outside of judging.

Except Tyra Banks called it “Tyra Mail.”

Supreme Chancellor Banks proceeded to take the girls through some awkward positions.  This was the Supreme Chancellor’s greeting to “lesbian” Elina.

Some other awkward positions:

Sheena

Analeigh

We stop with the Marj’s challenge win, but we will continue later with the ongoing saga over control in the…oh, who am I kidding?  As long as people watch Tyra’s shows she will always have power.

File Under: Maybe?

Some people had said that this faux awards shoot (“The Fiercee Awards”) was worse than “CoverGirls in Space,” the Cycle 7 shoot that had the models pose in a wind tunnel only to be superimposed with space, stars and foundation…without something keeping them from floating away forever and ever until their deaths.

COVERGIRLS IN SPACE!!!!2!!

Eugena

um…someone who wasn’t the twins or Melrose or CariDee…oh, fuck it, I’ll put a Melrose picture up because at least Melrose isn’t fugging it up on the D-list red carpet

Anchal, who was eliminated after this photo

The Fiercee Awards

Fake Dani Evans™, alias Joslyn

Lauren Brie, Brie Being the Most Unfortunate Middle Name in the History of ANTM, who was eliminated after this photo (Elina, the Marj and two gorgeous extras are in the background)

I couldn’t hardly decide between the pictures that weren’t Lauren Brie’s to feature in this post–I was considering Elina’s, Sheena’s and Analeigh’s photos as well.  Except for MicKey’s and the Marj’s photos, that’s the whole cast that appeared in this episode.

And my winner of the worst photo shoot in Top Model history is…they’re both bad.  I can’t choose, but I think CoverGirls in Space has a slight edge.  The Fiercees shoot reminds me more of another photo shoot in Cycle 7…

the celebrity couples shoot.  And while the CoverGirls in Space shoot was infamous for being bad, the celebrity couples shoot was forgettable like the majority of Cycle 7 shoots.  Final verdict: this shoot will be forgettable compared to at least the balloon, eyes above water and “LA disasters” shoot.

File Under: Altered Copypasta from Wookiepedia

During their one-on-one duel, Lauren Brie taunted Sheena, calling on her to use her fierceness.

With Banks’ encouragement, Sheena channeled her fierceness into the dark side of the Force. Refusing to be intimidated by the Sith Lord’s casual victory over, um, Clark(e), I guess, Sheena drove Lauren Brie back and overpowered her. With an elegant maneuver, she proceeded to slice off both of the Count’s hands with her fierceness, bringing her to her knees. Unarmed, Lauren Brie was at the Fierce Asian’s mercy.

Expecting her Master to intervene and save her life as Banks had promised to do in the case of defeat, Lauren Brie instead was shocked to see the Dark Lord goad Sheena to deliver the deathblow. It was then that Lauren came to realize the second deception: Banks was keeping Analeigh, a girl that Lauren Brie said looked nothing like a model, for drama.  Banks never intended for the Count to survive; she was simply the tool used to create “The Fiercee Awards” and make Banks’s plan truly possible. Sheena, holding both hers and Lauren Brie’s lightsabers crossed before Lauren Brie’s throat, beheaded the Count and took one step closer to the dark side.

I wish eliminations were less “pack up your bags and go ‘home’” and more “fight to the death with lightsabers”–that’s the only way Tyra’s going to beat the ratings for shows like…Greatest American Dog. (I’m not kidding.)

File Under: Required Copyright Statement for Usage of Stuff from Wookiepedia

Per request, the copyright statement that allows me to alter this for hearts for dinner:

If you use Wookieepedia articles elsewhere, all you are legally required to do (by the license) is to add a copyright notice saying that the article is copyrighted and licensed under the GFDL, and a link to the original Wookieepedia article (section title). You can freely modify and redistribute the material, provided that you license your modifications under the GFDL as well. You cannot license it on other conditions or put it in the public domain, nor can you claim copyright for content you did not write yourself (everyone only holds copyright to the contributions they themselves made).

Will do!

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Responses

  1. I can always rely on your entries to make Cycle 11 much more exciting than it truly is or will ever be.

    Nice Star Wars tie-in.

  2. [...] But you still owe America an apology for the Fiercee Awards from the “Notorious Fierce 14 8,” Mr. Jay AND TYRA. [...]

  3. [...] Very much like Cycle 11’s Fiercee Awards shoot, some people have said that this shoot, “The girlie shoot” (per living.co.uk) is about as bad as COVERGIRLS IN SPACE.  Unlike the Fiercee Awards shoot, the girlie shoot really does look like a contender for Worst Next Top Model Shoot Ever.  The Second Perverted Photographer of the season is more interested in seeing straight girls suddenly get aroused by the thought of making out with another girl (aren’t all girls like this?  [roll eyes]) than the lighting of the shoot, which is held in something like an underground skate park. [...]

  4. [...] you ever wanted a sequel to COVERGIRLS IN SPACE™, this is [...]

  5. [...] Palaptine’s back!  The last time we saw her she vaporized Lauren Brie with her lightning bolts. This time, she wants to…vaporize Studio Audience Ashley™ and be a country [...]

  6. [...] Episode 7: This episode was more boring than Episode 3. [...]


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