(Here were some things about the frat getting up at 4 AM to catch a flight to Vegas.  It was boring, so I chunked it.  So we start at the Long Island MacArthur Airport with a Southwest Airlines counter [remember, kids, Wikipedia is your friend]).

I think it’s only because Top Model used to have a deal with American and Top Chef has a deal with Continental.  And that Aminal Food wants to be Top Chef. But then again I say that nearly every week, so I don’t think anyone will believe it.  Me: I’d just rather be on JetBlue and enjoy my The Move, thanks.

This is a limo in the desert.

Well, at least they’re taping at Caesar’s Palace.  It’s not, like, taping at any of the newer theme hotels or a place with at least one rollercoaster, but still.

This is an “actor.”  He is playing “Julius Caesar.”  He is not convincing.  He needs to go back and work at the blackjack table where he belonged.  He tells the frat they have a suite in the hotel.

This is the suite.

And now, girls jumping on trampolines a bed.

“Tyra Mail!”  No, wait… “Jodhi Mail?”  “Erika Mail?”  No?

In the…um… “mail” the frat (as I predicted earlier.  Again) are meeting Bobby at the Vegas branch of the Mesa Grill.  And there they will meet Paula Deen.  There.  I said it. Don’t blame me, blame Food Network’s blatantly obvious editing.

Other than this…

nothing has happened thus far.  The frat talk about themselves with Bobby and Paula over food and margaritas.  Summary of this discussion: be yourself.  Which looks like a motivation poster I might’ve seen somewhere on a wall in A School in America.

Also, as our cry count goes to 10 (with Lisa, and quote by Paula to Bobby, who is wondering why she is quiet around the table):

I’d buy it for my home!

If Bobby needs cue cards to announce the challenge, a simulated Throwdown on the grounds of Caesar’s Palace, just…wow.  No comment.

Similar to last year’s fun-filled (and by fun I mean smoke) Iron Chef demonstration, the frat are pitted against one another to determine who comes out on top with their signature dishes (only to promote Throwdown, of course).  The Throwdowns will be 75 minutes long.  Lisa will be pitted against K and Whitney will be pitted against Aaron.  On top of that, the frat has to be interviewed by Little Man, Whatchamacallit, Deen and Dayna Devon while which sounds very, very similar to a certain American reality show that I frequently mention in my reviews.  And it also gives me a good excuse to pull this illustration out of my archives:

I can kick the shit out of those girls [her cast mates from America's Next Top Model, Cycle 10] anytime.

Lauren Utter

If someone could say something like that during these interviews I might just like the rest of the season.

The interview portion also sounds like some of the old shows that FN tosses to the dogs (read: Fine Living Network).

I could take the high road and say that this picture looks like the judging table set-ups in Throwdown. But I won’t. (Credit goes to The Dirk for that link that doesn’t exist in Aminal Food.)

And the outdoor setting looks very, very similar to a challenge on The Next Iron Chef, except, mercifully, we don’t have Alton Brown subconsciously talking about his cock (™ Alex Balk).

Kraft picture taken from here.

Lisa’s cassoulet will have spicy chicken sausage, a chicken pesto and duck confit (because this time the glass didn’t get all over it).  Adam will add the pesto in the cassoulet rather than put it on top.

Paula is concerned that Lisa may not project a warmth if she were to win.  Lisa says she has two faces: a “game face” and a softer face known as a “crybaby” face.  I’m amazed that there isn’t a quip about “We are so concerned that Lisa may be playing us” by the judges here.

If anyone can explain Adam’s mac and cheese for me that would be awesome!  Thanks in advance!

Lisa, in a cheese sauce that befuddles Whatchamacallit (she’s a promoter, for chrissakes!  She’s too busy to figure out sauces!), is adding cheddar, parmesan and goat cheeses to her macaroni and cheese.  It will be topped with sliced tomatoes and grilled poblano peppers.

Hold the phone, ladies and gentlemen!  K will be adding lobster to his mac and cheese!  The man is trying to kill people before he can get a show on Food Network!  And watch the judges like his mac and cheese!  I have a bad feeling that K will be in the final three or, possibly, two.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddddddd…girls jumping on trampolines.