This was originally on my blog Take Miami, which has a different voice than my wacky, obsessive, attention-whoring antics on this blog.  I’m phasing that blog out because I hated the voice I used on it.  Since this episode has long aired on Food Network, my next task will be to prepare a rebuttal.  For now enjoy this article from Feburary 28th.  Any wonky formatting comes from this post being transfered to one WordPress blog to another.

Ingrid Hoffmann, from what I recall from her appearance at Books & Books in Bal Harbour, says that she came up with Chica Tips to simplify the way that she prepared foods. In the spirit of those Chica Tips, I offer some tips, to you, dear reader that most likely has a car, some Generals Tips, if I may.

Generals Tip #1: The South Florida Regional Trip Planner is inaccurate.
It told me to just take the 3, a bus route that runs from Hallendale Beach in Broward County to downtown Miami, to the 48, a bus route that goes through Coconut Grove to University Station, a Metrorail stop. From there I would be at the Biltmore Hotel, which is nowhere near the University Station Metrorail* stop! (University Station = Coral Gables = University of Miami = going over a computer’s brain.) I guess a djinn was supposed to take me to the Biltmore then.

Generals Tip #2: Realize that you can’t sit on the bus and go in the opposite direction on Miami-Dade Transit buses.
You can’t imagine the fun I had worrying about making the Throwdown with Bobby Flay shoot in the cold wind waiting for the 56, the bus that actually serves Coral Gables. I accidentally pissed off the driver that drove the route because I was upset that I thought I missed the Biltmore stop.

Generals Tip #2.5: Always have enough money to get to your final destination.
I learned this tip the hard way when I ended up in Hallendale Beach for about a half hour instead of at my dorm with the stuff I bought at Victoria’s Secret and Williams-Sonoma at Aventura Mall. The only downside is…well, if I get my rebate from my cell phone, I can’t immediately spend it between Lincoln Road and Aventura Mall.

I had an extra three dollars I envisioned myself using at Aventura Mall along with my cell phone rebate. Instead I used the majority of it to take the 56 back to University Station; from University Station and the Feeling That I Was Going to Fall off the Platform and Die I took the Metrorail to the main downtown station, where I took the 3 back to my dorm room. I now have enough to get myself a coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts if I wanted to. The key word in that sentence was if.

Back to my brief description of the shoot. I arrived at the Biltmore Hotel around 11:30 AM. The stupid Trip Planner site had me thinking I had enough time to run around Coral Gables and get lost looking for Salvadore Park and the Venetian Pool and whatever else was in the neighborhood. By the time I arrived I only had time for the bathroom in the hotel. I had plenty of time to wait in line and sign a release form stating I would let Food Network abuse my image in Throwdown and whatever else Food Network wanted my face to appear in and wear a wristband, however.

The taping was supposed to be three hours, from noon to 3PM, per the e-mail I received from the production staff. I could’ve easily gone onto mango & lime and said “Ha ha I know the secret location and the taping time” but bragging is not usually how I roll.

The taping lasted until around 6:30 PM. Whereas a usual Throwdown episode is 30 minutes, this episode, to air around Memorial Day, is to be an hour long and will feature four competitors that have been on the show before–it’s billed as a “rematch” of sorts. (Just think of it as that South Beach grilling special from last year, except not as cheesy.) Don’t be surprised if you notice the crowd dwindling down because of the extended shoot time, being offended by the lack of use of gloves with the cold food (some people that showed up for the shoot were Johnson & Wales and/or FIU students) or both. You may even recognize one of the judges, who has gotten some recent praise from an out-of-town newspaper (hint hint). (I’m deciding if I want to show some of my pictures on Flickr that reveal a lot of the show’s contestants and spoilers about the foods served. They’ll pop up, all right, but they may not all be shown until June.) If you don’t see any (other) audience members until the end of the show that’s because we were roped off so the cameras could catch the competitors making their food.

I don’t know if I’m appearing on the show in an intimate capacity–my super-yellow looks-like-smoker’s-teeth (I need to see a dentist in the future and I will raise hell with my mother until I get it) and tied-back Afro (it just looks…weird. I’m amazed it fits under my chef’s hat.) may keep me from being on the show despite my slightly intelligent responses to the camera people. That’s all I’ll reveal for now…except for my final Generals Tip.

Generals Tip #3: Even though you may have seen Ina Garten with one of these, don’t buy the cheap Y-shaped vegetable peelers from Williams-Sonoma. They rust easily.
Well, at least in my opinion.

*(Metrorail = Atlanta’s MARTA train = DC’s Metro = NYC’s subway system = Boston’s T = etc. al.)